Collaborative Adolescence?

At my birthday dinner in downtown Boston, my 17-year old daughter surprised me at the end of the meal with, "So old man, what have you learned in half a century?"

Knowing that we had only one car and that I had the keys, I mused, "First, when I finished my residency, I was consumed about my career.  Now relationships matter to me a lot more than anything else." Her eyes rolled as if to say, "Duh, what took you so long?"

"Second, I learned that I could work very hard at a job that I loved, but that I couldn't expect the institution to love me back because it had its own priorities." She looked at me blankly.

"Third, --it happens, and it's nobody's fault." Her eyes lit up as if to say, "I can agree with that."  It may have just been delight, however, to hear an adult swear in a tony restaurant.

"Finally, learning is never failure, even though it may feel like failure," to which she replied, "You are so full of trite expressions!"

As we drove home, I thought that batting 0.250 was good enough for the major leagues, especially with a teenager.

Comedians quip that adolescence is one reason that some mammals eat their offspring at birth.

What can we learn from adolescents that relates to healthcare collaboration?

• does respect need to be earned with accountability rather than to be expected
• should we ask "so what" or "what's in it for me" more often when thinking about how others will react to what we are saying
• what type of listening skills do we need to practice to make people feel that they have our full attention in the moment

Thanks.  I look forward to your input.

Kenneth H. Cohn
www.healthcarecollaboration.com